


Ask Me To

by oosheewa



Category: Bandom, Paramore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24894769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oosheewa/pseuds/oosheewa
Summary: Short stories inspired by the love songs Hayley posted on Instagram/Twitter that might me about Taylor.
Relationships: Hayley Williams & Taylor York
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Steamroller**

Depression is a stone-cold bitch. It’s been a part of my life for longer than it hasn’t.

I am staring at the ceiling. I’ve been dreaming the same old dream about drowning, like something or someone is pulling me to the farthest part of the ocean. It’s exhausting. I laughed. _Stupid, stupid nightmare_.  
Here I am, laying down on a mess that is my bed at two in the afternoon. Salty beads of sweat found their way on my forehead, I wiped them away. It has been like this since I moved here in my old, small home, staying late in the morning and waking up in the afternoon. It’s cool, I guess, to skip lunch.

Alf is on my door, wagging his tail as soon as he sees his screwed-up mom. I feel sorry for him. “C’mere buddy,” I whispered. He heard me anyway and ran towards me, “I know, I know… you’re hungry. I’m so sorry.” His head butts uncharacteristically pushed me to the edge of my bed and I giggled. Without him, I would still be lying in my bed till god knows when, probably allowing my thoughts to swallow me. But he keeps me going, I have to feed him or walk with or play with him, which I am grateful for. I made a good meal for him, but I skipped for myself. I’m in no mood to eat right now. I reached for my phone and dialed a number. It rang three times before a voice answered.

“Hey, punk, what’s up?” it said. I stared blankly on the mint I planted weeks ago. Some of its dried leaves fell off, I should clean them some time. “…Hayley, you there?” I blinked. God, I spaced out.

“Uh…yep, gosh I’m sorry,” I literally slapped my face with my palm gently. “I uh, I was going to ask you, umm… are you busy today?”  
There was a pause. One, two seconds. “No, no. I just came home from the grocery. What’s up with you?” Phew.

“Oh, I… I was just wondering; do you want to be miserable with me today?” I am an awful person.  
The person on the other line chuckled, it was a hushed one but I heard it. “Of course, always.” The voice is joyful, the tone genuine. It made me okay for a little.

“Yay, I’ll see you in ten!”

\--

I am parked in a driveway I’ve been before. I am in front of a house I’ve been too many times before, I’ve lost count. I’m still sat inside my car, sighing as I stare at my reflection from the mirror above my head. Wow, I am a disaster. I looked awful. Blonde hair is all over the place, freckles on the bridge of my nose to my cheeks, bags too heavy under my eyes. I am a mess. “Fuck it.” I whispered to myself. “You ready, buddy?” I asked Alf as if he could understand me.

We’re stood in front of a door, waiting for the owner to come out. Alf started wagging his tail as he sniffed at the gap on the bottom of the door. The doorknob clicked. A smile too familiar flashed before my eyes. Taylor’s. I smiled back.

“Hey guys!” He exclaimed enthusiastically. One thing I love about Taylor. He’s always so kind. He opened his arms for me, ruffling my hair then proceeds to pet Alf. I made my way inside.

Taylor and Alf followed behind me and we both sat on his white couch. His scent embraced me. “I can’t believe you went grocery shopping.” I stated, poking his shoulder with my index finger then glancing at the bags scattered on top of his dining table.

Taylor grinned, “I know right? It was fun, though I don’t really know what I bought but,” he sighs, “here we are. By the way, I bought some vegan ice cream for you… for when you come here.”

Ah, T, always so thoughtful. I smiled stupidly. “I’m so glad you’re my friend.” I winked at him. It made him roll his eyes. I positioned myself on the edge of his sofa, with pillows on my back, I stared at Taylor, he’s touching Alf’s fur. He’s wearing a striped, old shirt, I know ‘cause it has holes in it. It must be comfortable to wear.

I stared at him too long until I heard him clear his throat. My mind snapped back to him. I stared at him once again, this time at his eyes. I can feel my eyebrows starting to stitch together. Suddenly there’s a lump in my throat and I felt the urge to cry. He noticed my sudden change of mood. He frowned.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?” Taylor’s beside me now, adjusting his arm to me so I can come closer to his body. A tear escaped my eye, I sniffed quietly.

“It’s there again, T. The nightmare, the water, god I hate it. I hate being sad all the time.” I’m crying harder this time, just thinking about it made me weak. “I’m just so tired, when will it ever stop?” I asked him, I looked up at him with my eyes wet with tears. I must’ve looked pathetic; I don’t care anymore.

Taylor pulled me closer and rubbed his hand on the small of my back. He sighed before saying “Oh, Hayles, I wish I know when it’ll stop. But,” he paused just to rub the back of my head the continued “like you said, let the pain remind you hearts can heal.” We chuckled at his Hate To See Your Heartbreak reference. I sniffed. “Seriously though, you’re gonna be okay. I know it. Not right now, or tomorrow but… eventually.” I wiped my tears away, nodding at him. Taylor pulled me away by my shoulders just to look directly at me, “I guarantee you, one day you’ll wake up dreaming about unicorns with their hair dyed with Good Dye Young and then you’ll be there and I’ll be there, and… Alf will be there too, dancing to a Fleetwood Mac song,” he winked and tucked a stray hair behind my ear, “instead of dreaming about the stupid water. And just so you know, I’m here. Always here.”

I smiled. I smiled so widely it hurt my cheeks. I hugged Taylor so, so tight I’m afraid it hurt him, I didn’t say something, but I hope he knew I am thankful.

Taylor heated a vegan lasagna for our dinner since he’s still learning how to cook. I mean, we’re barely home. I eyed the lasagna on his hands as he walked towards the table. Man, I am starving.

“This is going to be my first meal of the day.” I said out of the blue. Taylor’s eyes snapped at me; my eyes widened. Suddenly I’m scared.

“Are you serious?” he looked annoyed; he hates it when I don’t eat. “Hayley you need to eat. Seriously.”

I know I shouldn’t but I smiled at him before saying “I know, I’m sorry…?” I maintained my smile then looked at him across the table. He rolled his eyes at me. We started eating and I had to beg Taylor for the whole dinner that it should be my turn to wash the dishes, he gave up after 10 minutes of me pleading. He insisted of feeding Alf instead.

I walked to the living room and went back to sit on the couch where Taylor is seated, scrolling on his Instagram. I sat on the edge of the couch, stretching my legs straight so I could put my feet on his lap. He adjusted my foot so it won’t fall, he did it without looking up from his phone. I smiled.

“T do you remember when we first met?” I started. He chuckled under his breath, the wrinkles in his eyes visible.

“Hell yeah, how could I forget your DIY fishnet pantyhose top?” he laughed. Hard. “I-CO-NIC.”  
I narrowed my eyes at him. That outfit, was terrible. I remembered partnering it with ‘shants’. I groaned.

“Yeah, whatever. Hey, I remember you had braces. You and Zac,” I said while smiling. “I remember the color of the rubbers in your braces.” His eyes widened. He laughed.

“Really? What was it?”

“It was blue.” I replied, “And you were wearing your yellow Mortal Kombat shirt.”  
“Very detailed, huh? Yeah, I liked blue back then. Blue’s a cool color.” His smile never leaving his face. “Well I remembered the first time I actually heard you sing.” I raised a brow at him. He continued, “And my initial thought was ‘Woah, how can a girl so small have a voice like that?’” I kicked his leg jokingly and narrowed my eyes at him, he knows I hate it when people call me small. He re positioned my foot unconsciously.

“Hey, I’m not that small. You’re just… tall.” I smirked. “I have another question,” I asked, sitting straight up. “What was your earliest childhood memory?”  
He rubbed a hand on his chin, thinking. “Hmm, good question,” I waited, “probably… my first glass of milk.”

I was shocked, my eyes widening, a smile never leaving my face. “Really??”

He nodded convincingly, “Yeah, I was like…2.”

“T that’s so cute!” I laughed. “Did you spill it?”

“Oh yeah I spilled it everywhere.” We laughed together. We talked for hours, mostly talking about our childhood. I needed this. I need to talk about these kinds of things with someone like Taylor, with someone I literally grew up with. Someone who understands. It made me feel okay, honestly, to not think about the present for a while and just talk about the great memories I had with people close to me. Talking to Taylor really helped me a lot, whether if it’s about music, about our lives, personal issues or just for fun. Having conversations with him is being able to take away all the defenses and personal agendas and that is something I’ve always cherished – in my friendship with him.

I was telling him a story about a creepy fan who followed me backstage, back when we were just a small band and back when he wasn’t part of the band yet, but he fell asleep halfway through it, which I didn’t mind because it’s literally 1 o’clock in the morning and we’ve been talking for four hours straight. I stared at his sleeping form.  
Taylor has bags under his eyes too, just like mine, I wish he didn’t have one. I wish he didn’t suffer from depression just like I do. Taylor’s heart is so pure and he didn’t deserve all the things that happened to him. He managed to be there for me, to comfort me when he’s struggling with himself too. He was there, much more than my own husband, for heaven’s sake.

I hesitated but I needed to get this out. My heart is so full. “Thank you so much, for everything…T.” I whispered to him, but mostly to myself. I hope he’s too sleepy to even hear these things. I breathed. “I know you don’t like it when I talk about you but… I just want you to know that…” I croaked, “that you’re the most important thing to me now.” I said ever so quietly and I meant it more than anything. I inched closer to him. Only the moonlight illuminates his beautiful face. I wanted so badly to touch him, to gently touch the bags under his eyes, his nose, his lips, his hands, his fingers in the dark. But I don’t.

I don’t. There’s a danger. I closed my eyes.

“Taylor, I won’t fall for you, unless… oh god. Unless you ask me to.”


	2. Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired from a song called "Calls" by Robert Glasper. Enjoy!

I don’t know where I am right now.

A while ago, I was standing in front of my house. I thought of driving just to get this loneliness off; The Fox, The Crow and The Cookie blasting on my stereo. It was so easy to choose, to just drive those feelings away while listening to my favorite band. It was so easy then I’ll be okay. But I didn’t.

Instead, I walked absentmindedly, with phone in my hand and house keys on my pocket. I walked through the end of my street; I am still miserable. I still get those dreams. And right now, I felt the urge to walk. To brush the sadness away, wishing that with every step I made the pain would just go away with it.

I noticed my neighbors’ porches. Some has plants in them, some don’t. I already liked houses with plants in it. Studies shown plants boost mood and reduce stress. I like plants, I have a lot of them at home. And just like plants, they get wilted when they don’t get enough water, or when someone doesn’t take care of them. I was once a wilted plant too; a wilted woman. I still am, I think.

It was fun and all until I felt a small, cold droplet landed on my cheek. I shivered. I looked around me, the dark engulfing my vision, I am walking on an unfamiliar sidewalk. I glanced at my phone to check on time, 3:23 am. _Damn._ I continued walking anyway, not planning on turning around and just go back home. I walked and walked and then the rain poured. I stood under a lamp post, in front of an old library. My clothes are damped and my hair wet from the rain. I felt a lump in my throat. I am so, so pathetic. _Why are you like this? What is wrong with you?_ A tear managed to escape from my eye, but my expression blank. The rain still poured and this time I am soaked with rain water, or maybe with my tears, I don’t even know. I looked down at my hands, my phone, is dripping wet. I sat on the corner of a dirty, slippery staircase of an old library, and hugged myself. I cried harder, I suppose I think – I hope (fingers tightly white-crossed) – that if I cry about it, depression won’t bite.

I cried for a few more seconds and decided to call someone.

“Hello?” I croaked. My vision blurred; I’m surprised my phone still worked. It rang for a few times, suddenly I’m horrified. It’s 3:30 in the morning for fuck’s sake and here I am bothering people. Stupid, pathetic, worthless self.

It picked up, “Hello? Hayley?” Taylor’s voice. Of course, he would pick up. He always answers my calls. Always.

“Hey…” I choked with my own salty tears. “I uh… I’m sorry T.” I said between hiccups.

There was shuffling on the other line. “Hayley, are you okay?!” he sounded concerned. I closed my eyes, shaking my head no. I am not okay.

“I’m… I’m _okay_ , I just…” a thunder roared and I flinched. He must’ve heard it from the phone.

“Hayley where the hell are you?!” I heard panic in Taylor’s voice. The shuffles got louder this time, probably indicating Taylor getting up from his bed. “Hayley tell me exactly where you are.”

And I did. “I-I don’t know T, I’m in front of an old library. But – I don’t know what street.”

“Okay just,” a pause, I heard keys. “stay where you are okay? And wait for me, Hayley do you understand?”

I nodded as if he could see me, “Yes.” And he ended the call. I’m still sat here, soaking wet, and hugged my legs tighter, with thunders still grumbling from the sky, it made me shiver. I thought of Taylor, of how he’s always there for me. Always coming when I needed him, always answering my calls. Taylor is a friend I don’t deserve. Ever.

A bright light blinded my vision. His car is here. He’s here and he found me and he was running towards me. “Hayley!” I stood up; I felt the weight of my dripping sweater but it doesn’t matter. Taylor is here and I’m safe. “Hayley, god you’re soaking!” _Alll I want is your warmth._ I landed on his arms. “Are you okay?” he asked and I nodded and I was smiling stupidly against his shirt. I didn’t say anything. “Let’s go inside the car then I’ll get you home.”

Taylor didn’t mind that I climbed to his seat soaking wet. He adjusted the heater and handed me a towel he brought. I thanked him and he just looked at me, “Hayley what the hell are you thinking?” he muttered. “it’s pouring and it’s—” he glanced at the time, “4 am.” He sighed.

“I’m so sorry T,” I frowned. “I just – I just needed to get this thing off my mind. My stupid feet kept walking and I don’t know why and I just—” I sighed, bringing my hands to cover my face. “I know it’s a dumb thing to do and I know you’re mad at me…I’m sorry.”

I felt his hand on my wrist and attempted to remove my hands on my face. “Don’t be sorry, I’m not even mad at you.” I looked at him while he’s looking on the road. “Hayley you know what I feel when you leave your house alone especially at night.” He sighed.

“I know…”

“Just don’t do it again, okay?” I nodded, I inched closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder while he drove. I mentally remind myself not to do this kind of things again, and to not make Taylor panic next time. I’ve bothered him so much with my stupid stunts like this in the past and I realized it’s such a selfish thing to do, not to mention, very dangerous. But not once he showed anger or annoyance in those times. He was very, very patient with me.

I glanced up to look at Taylor but didn’t take away my head from his shoulder. He chuckled and I smiled. He raised his brow at me and said “What?”

“Nothing,” I grinned, he’s telling the truth. He’s not mad. He’s never mad, my Taylor.

We’re parked in front of my house, it’s dark outside with only Taylor’s car as the source of light. I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to look at him, he looked sleepy and tired, with dark circles under his eyes. It made me feel guilty. In that very moment I knew I had to make it up to him. He’s done so much for me, it’s time to give everything back to him.

He walked me to my front door while putting his arm on my shoulder, pulling me close to his side as we paced. I know he’s done this kind of gestures before, even if we’re on stage or in the public eye, but this was different. It was like he’s making sure that I feel safe.

We’re on my door and we’re facing each other as we stand. I took a glance at Taylor’s tired eyes once again, and frowned. I used all force this tiny body can offer and pulled him into a hug, burrowing my face to his chest. “I love you, T, so much it’s stupid.” I mumbled against his shirt. I heard him chuckled under his breath.

“Always here, remember? I’m always by your side.” He assured me, putting his arms around me as well.

I looked up to face him but didn’t take off my arms around his waist. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Seriously, thank you.”

We smiled as we looked at each other. “Hey, that’s what friends are for.” He winked then rubbed his hands against my sides. “Alright,” he sighed, “go change your clothes and get some sleep ‘kay?”

I nodded with a stupid smile still plastered on my face. “Yes, sir!” I exclaimed which made him smile wider. He made sure I unlocked my door and I’m safely inside my house before he went away. He was about to open his car door when I shouted, “Hey Taylor!”

He glanced up again and said “yeah?”

“How about lunch later?” I suggested, “I’ll cook!”

I saw his eyes widen. “Sure, Hayley!”

“I’ll see you later!” I replied, trying to hide my excitement.

“Just call me and I’ll be there!” _Always._


End file.
